14 tips for smoothly navigating difficult conversations with colleagues
Conflict in the workplace is often inevitable, but it doesn’t have to lead to hurt feelings.
We asked members of Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) for their advice on how to have difficult conversations with colleagues while preserving positive workplace relationships.
1. Focus on Shared Ground and Resolution
Focus the conversation on the areas where everyone shares a common belief or benefit. Then keep the conversation on a resolution rather than fault or what should’ve happened. That keeps emotions out of it more so than other approaches. — Serenity Gibbons, NAACP
2. Acknowledge the Difficulty Upfront
Start with the idea that you can say it’s a difficult but important conversation. Just doing so and admitting the difficulty often helps remove the tension. It says you know it’s difficult but are facing it and addressing it. Keeping it focused and not about feelings also provides a way to make it go easier. — Angela Ruth, Calendar
3. Be Quick to Apologize, and Document It
Naturally, disagreements will occur, and during those times, it’s very important to take a sincere approach to discussion. Being quick to apologize will help avoid any escalation, and documenting the issue can save you in the event that the issue reaches management. — Nicole Munoz, Nicole Munoz Consulting Inc.
4. Don’t Put It Off
When there’s conflict at work, silence can be the worst addition. Talking about it quickly can keep it from further escalating, even if the other person isn’t aware. Everyone needs to know they are valued, especially in times of conflict. Just say it. — Stephanie Wells, Formidable Forms
5. Point Out the Positives
Frustrations may arise, but they should never overshadow the appreciation and respect you have for those you work with. If you take the time to point out the positives and reflect on what’s working in addition to what’s not, everyone will leave the conversation feeling understood, respected and ready to move forward. — Rachel Lipson, Blue Balloon Songwriting for Small People
6. Be Objective
One of the best ways that I’ve learned to diffuse conflict in the office is to approach each person involved separately and be objective when I’m speaking to them. Being objective eliminates emotional outbursts and keeps the conversation focused on the issue at hand. — Kristin Kimberly Marquet, Creative Development Agency LLC
7. Use Imago Dialogue
Imago dialogue is a therapeutic conversation involving three steps: mirroring, validation and empathy. Often people want to feel that their concerns are being heard and understood. Whenever I have to have a difficult conversation, I lead with that. — Rachel Beider, Massage Greenpoint, Massage Williamsburg, Massage Outpost
8. Conduct Professional Development Chats
Handling difficult conversations doesn’t necessarily have to turn into a fiasco. One of the best things you can do is address the issue in the early stage — we leverage monthly professional development chats. Being transparent and open and putting yourself in the shoes of the colleague you’re having difficulties with allows you to have an honest discussion and work toward a practical solution. — Cooper Harris, Klickly
9. Don’t Wing It
The most important thing you can do is be prepared for a feedback conversation. Make sure your colleague knows you have feedback to give and is ready to hear it — don’t just spring it on them. And be sure the conversation is about something someone did (concrete, changeable), not how someone behaves (vague, hard to change). Try to also provide guidance for what they should have done instead. — Kristy Sammis, Clever Girls Collective Inc.
10. Create a Feedback Loop
Each week, employees meet with their manager to discuss work challenges which include relationships with the people they work with. The feedback is taken to the individual via their manager, who coaches them on why people feel this way and how they can do better in the future. This removes emotion and conflict because the person giving the feedback isn’t the person with the original issue. — Kerry Guard, MKG Marketing
11. Practice Radical Candor
We train on and practice radical candor, a concept written about by author Kim Scott. It means you challenge a person directly (rather than gossiping behind his or her back) and show that you actually care about the person (rather than faking it or showing little concern for their well-being). I have my team report radical candor moments to me every month. — Beck Bamberger, BAM Communications
12. Don’t Get Attached — Just Do Business
It’s important for us to understand that though everyone has feelings, we should work without being attached to anyone at work. Though it’s quite impossible to have no attachment at all, it’s essential for us to learn when to separate work from personal life. To have better conversations with colleagues, it’s best to keep a boundary between work and personal relationships. — Daisy Jing, Banish
13. Don’t Let Your Emotions Rule You
Stick to the facts, and be careful not to “feel” inappropriately. Refrain from using phrases like “you made me feel” or “I felt,” since only you choose how you allow yourself to feel. Feelings are very subjective, so they’re often unproductive to consider in work conflicts. Remember, perceptions of situations are rarely the same, so try to isolate the situation based on facts to minimize the margin of error. — Taylor Irwin, Rocky Mountain Car Wash
14. Avoid Casting Blame
It’s essential to focus on solutions. Though we need to make sure mistakes aren’t repeated, the important thing in the moment is how to solve the problem at hand. Leave your ego out of the conflict, and you’ll get past the problem faster. Lead by example, and others will follow. — Nicole Smartt Serres, Star Staffing
These answers are provided by Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC), an invite-only organization comprised of the world’s most successful young entrepreneurs.
